I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
