Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
