For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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