I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
