So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
