By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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