At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
