Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
