my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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