in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
