I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
