its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
