Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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