Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
