I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
