Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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