were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
