Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
