just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
