I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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