i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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