Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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