i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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