when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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