so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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