I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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