I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
