you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
