I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
