I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize