hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
