wakey wakey hands off snakey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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