She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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