I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
