sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think your dad took our porno
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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