I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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