Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
