Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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