If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
