WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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