i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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