Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
