This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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