alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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