New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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