Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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