whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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