I am puke
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
