Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
