you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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