they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
