If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
