She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
