the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
