So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
