I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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