He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
