I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
