dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
