There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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