if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
