the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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