You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
