how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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