so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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