woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize