Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
