you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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