he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
