my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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