Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
