i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
