I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Randomize
