he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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