Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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