Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
