No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
