worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
