I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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