drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
