There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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