I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
